Confession.



What I ever do to you? 
Where have I gone wrong? 
Why you guys have to walk away pretending that I'm invisible?
Why did you guys weren't listening when I'm talking in the group?
I'm not appreciating of all the good things you did to me? 
I'm not grateful to have people like you guys?
I wasn't serious enough?
I'm too childish to understand adult stuff?   
Is this what I have to go through after this five years in college? 
Walking in the crowd where people staring at me with those smirking eyes?
Being alone cause' no one can accept me? 
I was being too different? I was the weirdo all over again?
Am I the only one that was crazy over guys when actually I wasn't? 
Am I the only one that weren't being crazy and sarcastic when I was being myself? 
Am I the only one that likes to be alone when actually I was waiting for companions? 
Am I the only one looking for people to smile at me and wanted to be seen differently?
Maybe I didn't see what I done. 
I wasn't being too good to people. 
I didn't serve you guys well enough. 
I never done anything right in front of you.
I was called the attention seeker for doing things that I loved. 
I was called childish for crying over little things that I'm not supposed to cry about.
I was called stupid for not thinking of others' feelings other than me. 
I was called the attention seeker once more for trying to get along in the new society.
What am I suppose to do? 
Everything I done was wrong. 
You guys slowly pushing me away. After all the efforts I've gone through. 
I watch. learnt. and finally become one of you.
But no. Instead I was once again called the attention seeker.
For talking to people that I'm not suppose to talk to but you and they can. 
So what happens now? Nothing was right for me to do. 
Would it be nice then
If I'll remained silent like I always do?
Cry at someplace after the day was over? 
Pretend to smile and be happy with my wrecked life outside home?
Be alone, away from the noisy crowd? 
Is this what it feels like to grow up? Is this what you guys trying to tell me? 
So when I do become this person soon.
Will you guys do me a favor? 
Don't ask rhetorical questions about my improved attitude?
Stop asking me why I prefer to be alone? 
Stop hugging me, saying that you care to listen if I got any problems?
Don't ask where I'm going when I needed it the most?
Don't ask why I was being quiet the whole day? 
Why didn't I join you guys for lunch? 
Why I looked so gloomy day by day? 
Because these questions are meant for you to answer. 
Aren't you suppose to be happy now that I'm out of your way? 
Finally you can stop controlling me because I'm not going to destroy your new life here. 
Cheer. Be happy. That's what matters to me now. '
All I want was for you guys to be happy. 
Being alone means I don't want to get involve in your life anymore. 
And you guys can be happy. Smile. 
No worries of me wrecking anything that you put your effort on. 
Because I'll be dealing my life on my own for now.
At the same time, I'll still be serving you guys when you needed me to. 
Anything at all. I'll even catch a grenade for you if you're too scared to face it. 
Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
I'm going to be somebody I'm not soon.
I mean, that's life right?
To become somebody that I couldn't accept but you guys can?
To be the person that I hate the most in people?
But I'm still gonna smile. I promise.
Thanks for lessons you guys put me into. 
It's time for me to become that adult that you guys want me to be.
Right?
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