Who Am I?

Can't believe I didn't slept yet. Just finish watching the movie Titanic. 
wanna know what bugs me the most in life? is that i never know who i am and I didn't even take a chance to figure it out. people always said what they saw I do, but is that actually me, i wonder? sometimes i think so and sometimes I don't. 
there's a whole lot big world out there that I didn't walk on. And a whole lot discovery to look into. Maybe that's how i find who i really am?
There's a whole loads of things that I haven't tried yet. And i never take the courage to do it. How am I supposed to know who i am again? i wonder
Live life the fullest. Be happy. Sure the world is a temporary setback, but that doesn't mean you're not allowing yourself to do things you want when it's right and good and happy, before you die, right? Heaven is a beautiful place to live the fullest and guaranteed, but the world is also providing things that we should probably do to make our life meaningful here before eternal life in the afterlife.
I don't know if this will be inspirational enough for me. but I'm just saying I don't want my life being old and worthless and later regret. And I don't want the people around me, the ones i love, felt the same. 
everyone has their own choice in life to be happy. it's time, i find mine. 
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Relationships. (Confession II)

Define perfect relationship.
Fairy tales lie are the perfect relationship.
There's no such thing as relationship goals.
Just another disaster waiting to happen. 
Crying all night, wondering weren't you enough?
Why did he do that? Pleasure? Fun?
Is there something that I didn't do that she can?
Was I being too complicated for him to deal with?
"I ain't no gentleman."
"I don't do romantic."
"I don't do surprises."
"I don't like being mature in this relationship."
What are these that I have to deal with?
Are those jokes, but why was I offended?
I can't stand of his jokes anymore
It hurts.
I'm tired
At shouting and yelling
And quarreling and accusing
And threatening and 
crying alone.
And yet I'm crying now
Wondering was I not enough
All I ask was simple
I just want you to listen
Don't compare yourself to me
We're not the same
I'm not as strong as you
I couldn't keep smiling forever like you do
But there you are
Listen if it's the best for us
You're not always right
And I'm not either but
Doesn't mean that I'm always wrong
I can't keep up
I'm tired
This game is too strong
and yet
you're still playing and
I know how much you love winning
all the time
I'm crying again
"i'll never let you cry."
Was I not doing enough?
Where you're at?
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Having that Particular Person

I can’t stop myself from talking about this post. I just had to.

Lately this week has been so hectic for me. Believe me. Work assignments tutorial tasks and many more coming each day. But even though how much hectic we all were. There was something backing us up. Having that particular someone to share it with.

That particular someone? Yeah we have family and best friends. But what if I tell you that you can have that whole package into one? I’m talking about having that one person who is your family and the best friend you ever had. And the best part? You could end up falling in love with that particular person.

Between the end of July and the beginning of August this year, I’ve been seeing many of my friends started to share their pictures with that particular someone that they stumble with. And they’re not strangers, believe me. They’re once classmates, schoolmates or even their friends’ friends. In that connection, they found each other and it was unexpected. Looking back, have you ever thought of falling in love with your classmates or even someone that your friends introduced to you? Obviously it will be awkward at first, but then you slowly realise that you seemed to know that person since birth!

It was impossible for me to believe how my friends kept telling me that they don’t believe in falling in love and some even intend to not even try to look. The worst one was, they said they hated the opposite gender. But I knew from the beginning, soon enough someone will break that barrier between them. They will have to say yes.

And now looking at them, I can’t stop smiling myself. Scrolling through Instagram or Twitter, I’ve seen how they wanted to share how happy they’re together. Some people might called them annoying, but different people different perspectives, so that’s not my problem. Anyway, instead of media social, their happiness in public seemed so obvious. And they don’t even have to work hard to keep it that way, all they did was having fun like best friends and be caring like family.

I’ve to be honest. There’s no such thing as perfect relationship. NO SUCH THING. Every happiness, there’s always sadness on the side. There’ll be fighting quarrelling disagreeing and thousands of incontrollable words coming out from each other. So what? When you love someone so bad, you’ll crazily love each other as same as how crazy you guys hate each other. That’s the secret.

I’m not saying having relationship is scary, same saying as not every part of the earth is beautiful. They can be scary but at the same time you’ll realize how you can’t let him/her go because, you just literally can’t! You’ll know what I mean.

Good night peeps. 
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