My name is, "Tengku Nurathifi..."



This is what I have to deal with most of the time when people asked for my name. 

Anonymous: What's your name?
Me: Just call me Fiffy. 
Anonymous: I mean, what's your full name?
Me: Tengku Nurathifi.
Anonymous: (astonished) wow you must be related to royal family hah. which royal family you're related to? 
Me: I never know about that.
Anonymous: Where are you from?
Me: I'm from Terengganu. 
Anonymous: Then must be related to Terengganu royalty lah. 
Me: (okay...)

And then some of them would start bragging about how they know people who has royal first names and retell how I probably relate to any of them. However, there are also people who give different responses regarding my name. Because I am an introvert, I tend to only hangout with people that I really close with (and I just happen to only hangout with my Chinese friends because they're the only friends i had since kindergarten). But some people who don't even know me, pretended that they already know EVERYTHING about me. 

"look, look. she's all alone again. never mingle with anyone else except with the Chinese. sombong, tak nak lepak dengan org macam kita sebab tengku (too arrogant to come and hangout with us because she's a 'Tengku'). 

even worst, I was called as 'princess' in a negative way, because I don't mingle with other people other than my kindergarten friends. People tend to think i was too arrogant to make the first move to make friends, when in fact i was just too shy to! As an excuse, people tend to misinterpret my social circle based on my first name, just to make them feel better about it! After what i have to go through during high school (there were also during camps, trips, events etc), I started to stop introducing myself using my full name, and go with 'Fiffy' (the nickname I had since I was a baby). Unless I was asked for my full name.

So my dear readers, whoever thought that it was easy to answer your questions regarding my family history among the generations of royalty, it is not. It's not that we are too arrogant to tell you our family history, but it is because we only believe that we just happen to be bestow with the name and, have no interest of knowing why it was given in the first place. We were taught to be kind and humble carrying our first names, because of the negative responses we received from stereotype people like you. We want to show you that regardless of our name, we are just the same. We are also ordinary people who are living in an ordinary live just like any of you. So do not misjudged our personality and lives based on our names. It doesn't matter what we are named as, as long as it brings good meanings, that's good enough for me. 

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I am Grateful. (Year 2017)

Late at 2.00 am,
Suddenly all my life flashed before my eyes,
I took out my laptop and my hands started moving on its own,
Wanting to take this opportunity to be grateful
I have prayed and thank God for this gift He gave me
For all the hardships that I have been through for the past years.


I have learnt so much
Cried, screamed, running away from my problems
Led to me to the greatest future that awaits me.
I wish I could turn back time
To tell the ‘past’ me that it’s okay to cry,
To scream your heart out in the middle of the night
To let go of things along the way
Because you’re doing fine now.

Remember you said you might be left alone one day?
You’re actually made awesome friends right now, and they loved you so much.
Remember you said love was a stupid joke and you’re not gonna fall for it anymore?
You actually found someone who’s willing to do anything for you.
Remember you said how you wish to have those cool family pictures you saw on Instagram?
You’re actually got your own cool family photos saved in your laptop right now, TONS!
Remember you thought your dreams crushed in your face?
Guess what, the life goals you have right now are WAY better than those stupid dreams.
I am grateful of where I am now, so don’t worry alright?

We both learnt a lot, but yeah, we made it this far.
You’re stronger than you look.
Love yourself like how I am now.
Because you’re actually enjoying what life throws at you and live with it.
Thanks for standing strong to make me come this far,
I am really grateful.